Bought makeup again. I feel dead. I hate myself.

I had been veeery thoroughly weighing my options as to where and what makeup to buy for my yearly stash update. I've thrown out a dozen or so products to make space for new ones. For weeks I had been contemplating whether to buy a classic foundation or to try cushions, a trusted lipstick or to try matte lip creams. I ended up going on a (mis)adventure and making a ton of regrettable decisions along the way.

Now with my heart broken and my pockets empty, allow me to recount my weeks of impulsive purchases. 

Seriously tho.

• FACE BASE - Revlon Colorstay or Chica y Chico Matt Fix

• Pond's BB Cream have satisfied my coverage needs for the past 3 years since my pregnancy to my breastfeeding period. And because I was mostly at home, in church, or running errands, I didn't need all that coverage, oil control, and sun protection. As soon as I went back working, I realized I needed an actual foundation or just something heavier. 

• I decided to buy Revlon Colorstay out of sheer laziness. It's easier to buy from an actual store than online and get scammed or wait too long and risk the product getting damaged during shipping, I thought so cleverly. I regretted it as soon the foundation touched my face. Why is it that when we remember the past, all we ever see are the good parts and never the bad? I used Colorstay for a few years in my early 20s. I remember it staying on my face from morning til after school, from lunch til after party. I failed to remember how it felt like cement, and how sticky it got by the end of a long day and how it might have caused pimples. The SA also gave me a shade too dark - a reminder that I'm no longer as fair as I used to be, anxiety:increase. That's P850 down the drain.

• Upon realizing I made a horrible decision, I resolved to buy Chica y Chico Mat Fix. I still have P650 to spare anyway. It's perfect for oily skin, they said. It's perfect for the Philippine weather, they said. It erases pores and blemishes and fine lines and anxious thoughts, they said. I will never know because the money I allotted for it went to Naturactor Cover Face. I... passed by a stall in Fairview Terraces and I just had to purchase something.

• To be fair, Naturactor Cover Face did not disappoint. It was on my face the whole day yesterday through rain and sun and sweat and pollution. It survived PGH, Quiapo, MRT, and a bus ride. Even if it looked like I covered my entire face with concealer, it felt light like I wasn't wearing anything on my face at all. I bought it for P780, it sells for P500 online, and P700 in Trinoma. What is wrong with me?

• LIP PRODUCT 

• I love Sophie Paris Lipstick in Summer Pink. It's the right shade of Barbie and I've been donning the Barbie look for most of the decade. I didn't realize that when I stopped wearing my hair blonde (due to pregnancy and breastfeeding), pale pink doesn't work anymore for natural hair and natural skin (Pond's BB cream). So I figured I needed a new lipstick THAT ISN'T PINK.

• The Revlon stall where I bought Colorstay had a promo going on where you get a lipstick for P99 if you purchase a face product worth P500+. I just had to buy. Wanna know what shade I chose? Revlon Super Lustrous Matte in SKY PINK. 
  
• I also bought a lip product when I bought Naturactor at a stall in Fairview Terraces. Colourpop Ultra Matte Lip in SOLOW. And because it's completely impulsive, I had no prior research as to whether what I bought was real or fake. Paranoia covered here. I, in all my intelligence, chose this shade:
  
• FACE POWDER - Ben Nye or 3W Palgantong or Innisfree Sebum or Shiseido 

• I've been thinking haaard about where to buy setting powder. My makeup artist friends swear by Ben Nye Luxury Powder in Banana but I just can't seem to understand all the hype. It looks thick, heavy, and chalky to me. I almost bought one in the Terraces stall, but my total was reaching P2,000 so the working part of my brain finally took over. I feel relieved that I didn't buy it because it turns out that Ben Nye was FAKE. Original Ben Nyes don't come wrapped in plastic. Ugh.

• I bought 3W Natural Makeup Powder instead. I've fallen in love with it the first time I saw its ads on facebook. I mean, of course I don't expect it to actually deliver all its claims (how on earth can white powder make your face slimmer??) all I'm after is its finely milled powder with tiny shimmers. That always works to make skin look flawless and healthy. 

Take my money.

Now, this would have been a non-regrettable decision, except I've always wanted to buy shade #10, the translucent one that makes skin look pearl-white. Next choice would have been shade #21 - my skin tone. But the stall only had shade #23... which of course I bought.

I got the one for "common Asian women"

• As much as I want to blow more money on Innisfree and Shiseido, both with awesome reviews online, I can't anymore. Because. I'm. Officially. Broke.

• OTHER STUFF THAT MADE ME BROKE

• All sorts of whitening products
• RDL Bleaching Soap - this worked on me once upon a time
• Likas Papaya Soap - cult classic
• Kojic + Alpha Arbutin Soap package of three - I give up. How many times do I intend to shower in a day??
• Green Peeling Oil - I saw the price and thought what the heck might as well buy
• Tretinoin + Hydroquinone - I could not get over the fact that the Revlon SA gave me the 3rd lightest shade, I've always worn the LIGHTEST shade, you can't do this to me, Revlon.
• Lactacyd Baby Wash - Lactic Acid for my face
• Kyosoku Bihaku Glutathione - bringing out the big guns.
• More vitamins
• Other products bought out of random insecurities
• Eye Cream - I used to be mistaken as a 19 year old. I now get mistaken as 23. This can't happen. No.
• Pond's Age Miracle Night Cream - I refuse to age. I refuse to.
• St. Ives Oatmeal Scrub and Mask - I have two other St. Ives Scrubs I do not use. What is wrong with me?

I feel horrible. I feel dead inside. I feel dead.

No, actually. I need to start listening.